MORAL TRAINING
It is stated that "there are three golden rules which should be absorbed by
all who are responsible for the environment of children." These are:
(1) Absolute truth,
(2) Inviolable fair play, and
(3) Good humour.
If these three rules are carried out by mother and nurse there will be
happy and good children. Nursery rules must be very few, but what there are
must be carried out.
If automatic obedience has already crystalized into good habits as
described in Baby's Training, voluntary obedience will be of easier
attainment. Voluntary obedience is a different thing from forced obedience,
with which mothers are too often content, but which has only a bad moral
effect. A child realizes its helplessness in the hands of an adult and
gives in, but with no real submission of spirit, and will probably decide
to do the same thing again when not likely to be found out. At about two
years of age, quiet reasoning is often effective for all time, but before
that age to tell a child not to do a thing is but to create the wish to do
it, which is just human nature the wide world over.
It is best to make use of counter-suggestion and, if possible, divert his
attention to something else, and he forgets all about the wrong action. A
nurse will remember how she hated to be told brusquely " never to do such a
thing again ", and should use the positive and not the negative method with
little children, e.g., not " Do not touch those scissors ", but " Please
bring me those scissors", and when brought she will explain their curious
and painful habits if meddled with, illustrating it by letting the child
really feel a prick. Curiosity is the means by which a child extends its
knowledge, so that it must be guided - not always condemned.
Direct disobedience should not be overlooked ; but never as punishment
deprive a child of its food, or shut it up in the dark. Taking away
anything it is very fond of, e.g., a favourite doll or toy, for a short
period, will be acutely felt. Being made to sit quietly on a stool for ten
minutes is another good method, but as a rule the punishment should be a
direct result of the disobedient act. It should also be short, or a young
child will forget the cause and only feel aggrieved.
In very extreme cases, e.g., an act of direct spite or cruelty, a sound
slap may be required, but should only be administered by the parent. It is
better, however, if possible, to reproduce the act, e.g., if a child
pinches the baby, to do the same to him to show him what it feels like.
Never box a child's ears. Parents, when obliged to punish, should always
make the child feel how grieved they are to be forced to do so, and that it
is not inflicted in the spirit of revenge. Favouritism should be carefully
guarded against, always remembering that children have a very keen sense of
justice.
A child often passes through a phase in which there is an extreme dislike
to obeying the slightest command, even in the ordinary events of life, but
as a rule it is only temporary. It is now known as ' negativism ', and is
often applied to refusal of food, or vomiting if made to take it, and
refusals of all kinds. In a simple case, if a child should absolutely
refuse to be dressed to go out, take no notice of the refusal, but while
beginning to button his shoes talk of the little ducks he is going to feed
in the park, or remind him of the game of hide-and-seek he loves, so that
by a lively recollection of the past, or anticipation of the future, he
will quite forget the objectionable present. Should these tactics, however,
fail, it is of no use to lose one's temper. Give way pleasantly, saying, "
Very well, if Baby will not be dressed, of course he cannot go out, but he
will have to stay all alone in the nursery", and there he must be
resolutely left to realize the necessary consequence of his wilful-ness. A
good fit of crying will probably result, but the lesson will be thoroughly
learnt.
Negativism is most highly developed in only or spoilt children, and is
difficult to cure until the parents understand that it is the result of
over-anxiety and over-attention. Such a child is often the pivot on which
the whole household revolves, and the child knows it well. Removed to a
different environment, with the influence of healthy, hungry, busy children
living normal and natural lives all around him, lie will soon be cured, but
may relapse on returning home unless the parents have learnt their lesson,
and have provided for a change of nurse and of life altogether, with
suitable companionship.
A child who has lost his self-control must not be reasoned with, but be
ignored till he has regained it. Wholesome neglect is too little understood
and practised in many nurseries.
Truthfulness - A child must at all times be encouraged to tell the
truth; he must therefore find it in all his guardians. To let him hear the
maid say "Not at home" when he knows his mother is at home is teaching him
untruthfulness - as such a subterfuge could not possibly be explained away.
Never mind what he has done wrong, let the little one always find in his
parent or nurse a friend to whom he can confess and tell everything. To
punish a child when he comes to confess a fault is but to set a premium on
telling a lie. Let him clearly see your sorrow for the wrong deed, but
do not punish. Many a child has been driven to tell a lie from fear of the
consequences of telling the truth. A tiny child will say ' Yes' or ' No,'
just as it feels inclined, not really knowing the difference : but of
course this is an entirely different thing from telling a lie.
Self-control - This habit is one of the greatest assets of a child
in afterlife. The mother and nurse must be living exponents of it, and
train by example. A one-child nursery is not a good training school for
character, and should be supplemented as early as may be by the company of
other children, that the child may learn, unconsciously, to ' give and
take' with cheerfulness. Selfishness, or lack of self-control, should
result in instant removal from the scene of play unless his companions
decide to leave him out of their game, which is a far better method of
teaching the lesson. This treatment will not often require repetition.
Loving-kindness - This includes a great deal. It is necessary
primarily in the parents and the nurse, and the example shown by them of
uniform loving-kindness, under the most trying circumstances, goes a long
way in teaching it to the little ones. The elder should always share with
the younger, but the younger ones must not have the best of everything.
Never allow a child to snatch from any one ; teach it to ask for a thing
nicely, and if baby has taken an elder child's toy, the latter should be
taught to give baby something in exchange for its own property.
Never allow a child to cherish a spirit of revenge. How often, if he falls
down, is he told to " Whip the naughty floor ", or chair, as the case may
be, or even allowed to vent his wrath upon some naughty person who
displeases him. Make as little of it as possible - but put the blame on
himself, if on anyone, for stumbling, and suggest rubbing on some eau de
Cologne, and praise him for not crying. He will then quite forgSt to be
angry. Of slight falls and knocks it is best to take no notice ; too much
sympathy engenders a fretful disposition, easily upset by trifles.
Gentleness and loving-kindness to all living creatures should be insisted
upon.
There is a great difference between animal spirits and rowdiness. It shows
a painful want of training for children always to rush into the sitting-
room, slam the door, and stamp on one's toes in their wild spirits. A lack
of reverence, is very noticeable in the youth of the present day, and
respect for elders should be early enforced. At the same time, the
personality of the child should be respected, and as kissing any but the
nearest relatives is not only disliked, but is often a danger-carrying
proceeding, he should be taught to hold out the right hand prettily to
friends, and not expect to be kissed, and this should be explained to the
visitor.
The Nervous System of a child should receive a great deal of
attention from quite early days. It is exceedingly sensitive, i.e., it
responds instantly and intensely to any outside influence, and, if
stimulated unduly, many serious troubles may arise. For this reason a young
child should not be constantly played with or talked to. When awake it
should lie
quietly in its cot or on a sofa, where it can watch people moving about,
and outside impressions can be received slowly, as the nervous system can
bear it.
A precocious child is one to be dreaded, and to be kept especially quiet,
and never have its sayings or doings repeated in its presence, much less be
encouraged to perform before admiring visitors.
A child should never be frightened, and stories of ghosts, bogies, fire,
and robbers should be left untold. Small children reflect the fears of
grown-ups - if they sec a nurse frightened of thunder they think they ought
to be so too, and the opposite condition holds good. This was strikingly
exemplified during the air raids. If no fear was shown and they were led to
expect that some night they would have a treat and be brought down to a
wonderful cave under a table where there would be treasures hidden in
parcels, etc., etc., and bangs were just only fireworks, no evil results
were seen ; but where panic prevailed much harm was done. Ugly sights and
discordant noises, e.g., Guy Fawkes and Punch and Judy shows, strongly
affect some children, and should then be avoided for a time, gradually
training the child to calmness and self-control in the presence of strange
sounds. In such children a sudden terror has produced fits, or St. Vitus's
dance, or has caused a shock from which the child has never really
recovered.
These children are often the victims of nervous tricks, e.g., twitching,
making grimaces, nail-biting, etc., which require a doctor's attention, and
also - which is really essential with these nervous children - a calm,
quiet,
open-air existence. There should be practically no occasion for choice of
action, which generally is a great difficulty and leads to much expenditure
of nervous energy before a decision is made ; so that a systematic rule of
life, under healthy and pleasant conditions, rendering excitement and
special treats unnecessary, is of the utmost importance.
Night terrors, when a child awakes crying with fright, have often their
origin in days of excitement. Nervous children should be taught to be
alone. A nurse can go in and out of the room on her own business till they
gradually become accustomed to her absence. They should not be worried by
petty restrictions or by grown-ups supervising their play, but permitted to
trust to their own initiative. This applies particularly to an only child.
Bad moral habits are too prevalent. Quite small boys may handle
their private organs, or baby girls rub their thighs together, and a little
later use their hands to produce friction of the parts, thus laying the
foundation for ill-health and moral degeneracy. Boys often require
circumcision, and both boys and girls should be trained to go to sleep on
their side, with hands folded on the pillow or outside the bedclothes. This
should be done from a few months old, but if a little later there is any
difficulty, or, on examination when asleep, the hands are found near the
parts, the first blanket should be tightly tucked in under the armpits,
so that the child cannot get its hands down. Pyjamas, made all in one,
should be worn by both sexes for some years, and, as it often occurs before
going to sleep, it is a good plan to allow a doll to sleep on the pillow,
to provide an outside interest. By the time the child is three or four
years old it can be taught that the habit will make it ill, though there
must be no suggestion of naughtiness ; but till reasoning is possible,
measures must be taken to make the act physically impossible.
Usefulness and Tidiness - These arc important items in a nursery
education. All toys should be put away by the children themselves, and it
is astonishing how tidy a child of two years old may become, even putting
away things that its mother may have left about. A child delights to be
made useful ; to fetch and carry little things from one room to another,
such as its father's slippers, or mother's gloves ; to help to dust the
furniture - all these things and many more go to make up a great deal of
happiness for a child, and, at the same time, teach it many useful lessons.
It will thus be seen that moral training requires much wisdom. A spoilt
child is a nuisance to itself and everyone else, and a lasting monument of
disgrace to its guardians.
There are now many useful books dealing more in detail with character
training, and a list of some of the most useful will be found on page 177.
SICK CHILDREN
A few words must be added on the subject of nursing sick children. All
mothers are advised, when convenient, to pay a visit to a children's ward
or children's hospital. The art of nursing sick children is to be seen
there at its best, and mother will then understand that, in cases of real
illness, knowledge as well as loving instinct is required, if a child is to
have the best chance of recovery. If, unfortunately, her child is stricken
with a serious illness, a mother must consider :-
1. Shall I be able to nurse the child myself ?
2. Will it be best to have a trained nurse ?
3. Will it be best to send the child to a hospital or nursing home ?
Respecting the first point, she must remember that in order to nurse the
child properly she must devote all her time to the patient. It is useless
to think of carrying on her ordinary household duties while ^cting the part
of nurse. Her own health and the well-being of her husband and other
children must also be considered ; and last, but not least, she must decide
whether she is competent to carry out all the doctor's orders and to stand
the strain of responsibility.
If the answer to No. 1 be in the negative, those to No. 2 and No. 3 will be
mainly questions of expense. If this need not be considered, it is in
almost every case best for both mother and child to have a thoroughly
trained nurse, accustomed to children, for at least the acute stage of the
illness. The mother will, naturally, assist her, and take her place when '
off duty', and she will be able to learn the best way of performing many
little nursing details, which she will be glad to turn to good account at
another time, especially if she has several little ones.
It is in illness that a wise mother will reap the benefit of her careful
training in good habits - sleeping, feeding, obedience, etc. A sick child
requires a great deal of ' letting alone.' The quieter it is kept in its
cot, not dandled in the arms, the better. The struggles of a spoilt child
over taking its medicine or food have often gone a long way towards causing
a fatal termination. In nursing sick children there must be infinite
patience, but invincible firmness ; a vast amount of tact, but absolute
truthfulness. If something nasty has to be swallowed, there should be no
saying : " Now, darling, will you take something nice ? " Once deceive a
child, and it will never trust you again. Truth is essential ; to say: "
Now, darling, you must take this ; it is not very nice, but will make you
better, and you shall have a piece of chocolate after it", is far better
policy, and will nearly always succeed with a child who has been brought up
to obey.
Should the child refuse, it is best not to worry and irritate it, but to
lift it gently out of bed, wrap a sheet round it, with the hands by the
sides, gently hold its nose, and, when the mouth opens, put the spoon
containing the medicine as far back as possible, keeping it there until the
fluid is swallowed. This may, in some cases, apply to feeding. There must
be no sign of anger or impatience on the nurse's part, but the operation
should be performed just as a necessary consequence of the refusal on the
child's part to take food or medicine. It will not often require
repetition.
The doctor should be asked to say exactly what food he wishes to be given.
As a general rule all cases with high temperature are kept on diluted milk
with citrate of soda added (2 grains to each ounce of milk - not milk and
water) to help its digestion. Weak broth is sometimes given, and, unless
there is diarrhoea, fruit-juice and water to drink as liked. Water should
not be withheld, as with high temperature the tissues are needing fluid.
The strength of a child should be carefully husbanded. If ordered to bed,
it should be kept lying down, and, if really ill, other children excluded.
Reading or relating to it little histories of its every-day life are
usually great charms to a child.
The nurse of a sick child cannot go on continually without being relieved,
for one who is overwrought and tired out cannot be cheerful and patient. A
competent person must take charge while the nurse has exercise and sleep.
In cases of serious illness it is always well to keep a chart, and note
down every time the patient takes food, sleeps, has the bowels open, etc.;
for example : -
This acts as a guide to the doctor as well as to the nurse.
A sick child is soon up and down, and, when on the road to recovery, often
traverses it with rapid steps. Convalescence is often a more trying time to
the nurse than any. A new picture book, or some Kindergarten work to employ
the hands, is now called for ; but, as a general rule, a child recovering
from a severe illness will sleep a great deal more than when in health.
This is one of nature's methods of renewing the waste to which the tissues
have been subjected, and should be encouraged as much as possible.